


watching you two from the closet

by ladanse



Series: number one with a bullet [2]
Category: DCU, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Being Walked In On, Gen, M/M, Not talking about feelings, leaf him olone, wally needs to maybe stop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 15:39:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11512386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladanse/pseuds/ladanse
Summary: Wally is a little miffed that Robin and Artemis have been investigating without him, but it's fine, really. Besides, he has this new internship at the Daily Planet to worry about.--"Your boyfriend?" Wally asked."Yes," said Clark. When Wally continued to look confused, he smiled. "You know," he said. "Bruce Wayne?"Wally tried very, very hard to control his face, and failed utterly, if Clark's sudden laugh was any indication. "That's...neat."





	watching you two from the closet

**Author's Note:**

> lbr artemis was flirting with zatanna that entire goddamn episode
> 
> read the first one for context but essentially artemis & robin know superman & batman's identities & that they're dating, but wally doesn't

 

"Uh," said Wally, his fingers already twitching supersonically in righteous indignation, "you want me to what, now?"

  
His uncle, who was a shit at the best of times, smiled broadly in that way that meant he was feeling even more enormously self-satisfied than usual. "You're spending all of your free time in Rhode Island, Wally," Barry Allen said, reasonably. "Delaware isn't even that far of a run."

  
"It's not about the distance," said Wally, "which you already know. It's about the fact that I have to go work for a newspaper like some sort of - "

  
"Contributing member of society?" asked Barry, dryly.

  
"No! I mean, I already do that," Wally said, fighting a pout and failing. "I'm not spending my afternoons making coffee runs for - "

  
"I'm sure you might occasionally get to do bagel runs, too."

  
" - and between missions, I probably won't have time - "

  
"I ran this by Batman and Canary already, Wally."

  
Wally felt a rising sense of desperation, and also doom. "The people there - "

  
"I have it on good authority that you'll be working with some pretty decent journalists. Now are you going to keep complaining, or can I go see my girlfriend?"

  
Wally made a face, which Barry seemed to take as agreement. "Now get out of here," he said.

  
"You get out of here," Wally muttered sullenly, but Barry just laughed and went to go kiss Iris on the cheek.

  
*

 

"What's wrong?" asked Robin, immediately, as he entered the training room that evening. Wally frowned and gave up on wondering how he knew something was up; Robin just raised an eyebrow, impatient.

  
"Barry's making me intern at the Daily Planet," he said in a rush, bracing himself for the teasing.

  
"Ha!" said Robin. "Lame." Wally waited for more, but Robin was, surprisingly, silent - he looked preoccupied. "What's up with you?" he tried, but Robin just refocused and smirked, faux-mysterious as per his usual. "You know," Wally said, annoyed, "you're not as good of a liar as you think - "

  
He was distracted by Artemis, who stomped into the training room in her usual bullheaded fashion. "Is Batman here?" she asked them.

  
"Why do you want to know?" asked Wally, as Robin said, "He's coming by later." Wally glared at him. _Traitor_.

  
"I have a question for him. Or Superman. Preferably both."

  
Robin opened his mouth, just slightly. Artemis looked at him and then rolled her eyes. "No, you idiot," she said, and Robin relaxed.

  
Wally, in the meanwhile, tried not to feel left out. This sort of thing had been happening more and more lately, ever since That Mission Briefing that the two of them had run out of without any ( _any_!) sort of consequences from the Big Broody Batsy.

  
(That was Barry's nickname, not his. So sue him if he used it sometimes.)

  
"You two lovebirds," scoffed Wally, because sometimes he was actually incapable of shutting the fuck up. "You're making me feel left out."

  
Robin looked at him and saw right through his nonchalant tone. "Aw, Wally, it's not like that," he said, and swung an arm over Wally's shoulder, which made him feel marginally better.

  
Even better was Artemis's shudder. "Trust me," she said. "This little dick is all yours."

  
Robin punched her in the shoulder, and she actually snickered, ridding Wally promptly of any sort of warm feelings and leaving him with a cold pit in his stomach instead. "Sure," he said. "Whatever."

  
It was that phenomenal sulk that left him spaced-out and irritable for the latest mission briefing - something to do with Lex Luthor again, just great - and so he almost missed when Artemis put up her hand with an expression of grim determination.

  
Robin, next to him, stiffened immediately, which brought Wally back to the present.

  
"Artemis," said Batman, growly.

  
"Yeah," said Artemis. "What are the League's fraternization policies?"

  
Robin literally swayed where he stood; Wally put a hand on his arm instinctively. "Bro, you good?"

  
"Why do you ask," growled Batman, and then, "I don't believe this is the time."

  
Batman making a statement Like That was, in Wally's admittedly limited experience, a signal meaning Cut That Shit Out, Soldier, Before I Decapitate You With a Batarang. By the way Robin's hand was going for his pockets, Wally knew he agreed.

  
But Artemis - and shit, that girl must have a heart of _steel_ or something, because she tilted her chin up instead. "I think you'll find it is," she said, coolly, and was she _threatening Batman_ -

  
"I want to ask one of the other members on a date," Artemis continued. "Zatanna. I hope that won't be a problem."

  
"It will," said Batman.

  
Robin gave a sudden, spasmodic cough. Artemis met Batman's gaze squarely, not looking away.

  
"But," said Batman, "we may be able to find a workable solution. Is that all?" He nodded decisively. "Proceed to the bio-ship."

  
Wally looked back and forth between Robin and Artemis, unable to pick his jaw off the floor. M'gann just squeed excitedly, but Superboy looked confused. Kaldur looked like Wally felt - like he'd watched his death sit next to him, stop his heart, and then change its mind and leave with nothing more than a cold shiver of air.

  
"What," said Wally, "the fuck."

  
*

  
Wally's first shift at the Daily Planet was right after his first math test of the year; needless to say, he didn't arrive in the best mood. When he walked into the top-level office, he narrowly resisted the urge to groan. Boring office workers, as far as the eye could see -

  
"So you're the new kid," said a female voice. Wally looked up and quailed inadvertently at the searching gaze of Lois Lane, the Daily Planet's most formidable journalist. Wally was pretty sure her heels were sharper than Artemis's arrow points, which was saying a lot.

  
"Heyyyy," said Wally, sulk forgotten. Lane looked unimpressed.

  
"Clark!" she barked. "You're on babysitting duty. Make sure he learns something."

  
A tousled head of black hair leaned out from behind a cubicle; Wally caught a glimpse of a truly awful plaid shirt and a friendly Midwestern smile. Ah, the comforts of home, he thought, sardonic.

  
"Only if you're buying me lunch tomorrow," said Clark, grinning at her.

  
She smiled at him, mischievous and real. "I'm quizzing him before he leaves today," she said. "He passes, I pay."

  
Clark barked a laugh. "Challenge accepted," he said, and then, "Oh, how rude of me. I'm Clark Kent. You must be Wallace?"

  
Wally shook the hand he offered. "Actually, Mr. Kent, I go by Wally," he said.

  
"In that case, Wally," said the man, smiling lightly, "call me Clark."

  
*

  
After two hours, Wally was forced to conclude that his interactions with Lois Lane aside, Clark was the most bizarre reporter he had ever met. He was an unfailing klutz; he tended to knock over pens and files and notes alike, leaving Wally diving to retrieve them. His desk had nothing to look at besides a small set of silver cufflinks displayed in the corner, clearly never worn. His supervisor, Mr. White, came in to yell at him three times in three hours. His only saving grace was the slight Midwestern accent he sported, its tones reminding Wally how much he missed home.

  
The only anomaly was when he actually began doing research for his articles. Clark's eyes lit up immediately when Wally asked a tentative question, and he waxed poetic to Wally for nearly half an hour about the cycle of crime and poverty, and the importance of niche cultures to something or another - Wally stopped paying attention fairly quickly after that. Apparently Clark's entire life was his work.

  
Great, thought Wally. I'm interning with Broody Batsy, Kansas Reporter Edition.

  
Fate, as usual, decided to prove him wrong around 7:00pm that evening; after a brutal quiz on research techniques by an amused Lois Lane, which Wally thankfully (hopefully) passed, she stretched and got ready to leave.

  
"Waiting for the lucky boyfriend, Clark?" she asked lightly.

  
Clark Kent actually blushed. "Yeah," he said. "He's taking me to dinner."

  
"Have fun," said Lois, with a salacious wink that left Wally a little uncomfortable, and left.

  
The room was awkwardly silent. "Your boyfriend?" Wally finally asked.

  
"Yes," said Clark, seeming to come back to himself. When Wally continued to look confused, he smiled. "You know," he said. "Bruce Wayne?"

  
Wally tried very, very hard to control his face (and failed utterly, if Clark's sudden laugh was any indication). "That's...neat," he said, finally.

  
"You could say that," said Clark, still laughing. Then the polite smile was back. "You don't need a ride home or anything?"

  
Wally carefully did not mention that his home was several hours away by living Martian jet. "Uh, no. I wouldn't want to interrupt your date."

  
"It's no trouble, really - "

  
"I have a friend picking me up, it's good," Wally shrugged. He wasn't even lying - Robin was coming over so they could joyride on the newest hoverbike prototypes. _Which, speaking of, any time now would be good, Rob._

  
Just then - and luckily for Wally's tendency to ramble when presented with silence - the elevator dinged gently, and Gotham's literal richest man stepped into the drab Daily Planet office.

  
"I hope you're done for the day, Clark," said Brucie Wayne's voice from beyond the cubicles. His voice was weirdly low, almost a growl. "We do have plans."

  
"Bruce," interrupted Clark, smoothly. "Be polite; there's company."

  
Bruce Wayne stopped in front of him, grinning breezily. "Ah, Clark told me about you. Walt something, is it?"

  
"Wally," said Wally, gritting his teeth. In another fantastic demonstration of his inability to shut the fuck up, he looked at Clark and said, "I hope he remembers _your_ name more often than he remembers to pay his taxes." Artemis's recent rant on Gotham apartment prices came abruptly to his mind.

  
Both of them gave him matching, dumbstruck looks, as though they couldn't believe he would be so stupid as to say something like that out loud. Wally couldn't quite believe it either, so he pushed away from his chair and scooped up his backpack. "I'm gonna wait downstairs," he said, and headed to the elevators.

  
*

  
Downstairs, he paced back and forth, wishing Robin would just show up and end this shitty day. _He's probably off somewhere with Artemis_ , he thought bitterly, resisting the urge to just go home and leave Rob waiting for once.

  
Then, there was a noticeable thump, and a weird skittering noise, like something had slid and hit a window.

  
Wally's nerves were on alert immediately, a side effect of fighting for his life during his free time. He forced himself to relax. It was probably just -

  
There was a noise, like someone had cried out, and Wally froze where he stood, dropping his bag. Should he pull on his uniform? But there was no way either of them would believe it was a coincidence that Kid Flash was in the building -

  
There was another, louder thump from above, and that settled it. Wally gave up on the uniform idea and shot off a text to Robin: _upstairs trouble_ , and then tucked his phone in an inside pocket of his bag.

  
Then, he ran for the stairs, careful not to go fast enough to make noise, or cause suspicion. Stealth speed, he and Rob had been calling it.

  
He skidded past the glass conference, registering Mr. Wayne and Clark huddled over a conference table, before heading to check the break room - no, something was off; he doubled back - they were slumped over each other, probably hit with something - he ran around to check the glass window for holes from sniper bullets before stopping dead, because _holy shit_ they were most definitely not unconscious.

  
Bruce Wayne had Clark Kent, the reporter with whom Wally had just spent most of his day, bent over the Daily Planet's nice wooden conference table, and was grinding into him slowly and to great effect, if the noises that were coming out of Clark's mouth were any indication.

  
"You like that?" growled Wayne.

  
"More," demanded Kent, authoritative.

  
Wally's feet were rooted to the floor. He swallowed, mouth very dry, face very red, and finally gave a sort of gasping-fish-out-of-water noise that made both of them freeze and look up.

  
_Fuck_.

  
*

  
Wally was not answering his phone.

  
To repeat: Wally was _not answering his goddamned phone_.

  
Robin had sent him close to twenty increasingly frantic texts, called him twice, tried the comms on his suit - nothing. Nada. Zilch. Radio silence, which could only mean one thing:

  
Wally had done something stupid.

  
In this case, Robin reflected grimly as he gunned the hoverbike faster than it was meant to go, it probably meant he had done something that would, in fact, be heroic under different circumstances; after all, there was no way Wally could know he was walking into the worst kind of trap.

  
_upstairs trouble_ \- what kind of a text was that? _Yes, Wally,_ Robin thought grimly, _trouble, but not the kind you think_. He stretched the telepathic link to the limit, yelling for KF to _GET OUT_ , but without M'gann there it was pointless. Finally, finally, he arrived, slid the hoverbike haphazardly into a parking space, and leaped off, taking the stairs two at a time to the top floor only to crash hard into Wally on his way down.

  
"Sorry," rasped Wally, his face an odd blotchy purple. "Go go _go_ \- "

  
They didn't speak as they hopped back on the hoverbike, nor as Robin gunned the engine through the Delaware countryside toward Mount Justice. When they arrived, Wally hopped off the bike, sped to the kitchen, and drank three glasses of orange juice in quick succession.

  
The kitchen was deathly silent when Robin found him there. "Uh," said Robin, eloquent. "You okay?"

  
Wally blinked, some color returning to his face, and made a whimpering noise into his empty glass in response. Then he seemed to focus, looking back up and meeting Robin's eye. "You knew," he said, slowly.

  
"No," said Robin, voice pathetically unconvincing.

  
"You _knew_!" said Wally, more hysterically. "And you didn't try to, I don't know, WARN ME?"

  
"I did!" said Robin. "There were twenty texts, Wally, _two-zero_ \- "

  
"THEY WERE SCREWING EACH OTHER ON A CONFERENCE TABLE - "

  
" - who leaves their phone in their bag when they're on a _mission_ \- "

  
" - you weren't the one who had to find out first-fucking-hand that Clark Kent bottoms for Bruce Wayne - "

  
" - that was way more than I wanted to know, _oh my god_ \- " said Robin, choking in horror.

  
" - and, I mean, not that it wasn't hot, or whatever - "

  
" _Please never say that again_."

  
" - but I really could have used something besides a text sent after the fact - "

  
"I didn't know Bruce was picking him up - "

  
" - which you would have done for _Artemis_ , let's be real - "

  
" - of course that's what this is about, c'mon, KF - "

  
" - and anyway, I guess people really do take their glasses off during sex, because Clark Kent? _Much_ improved without - "

  
Robin froze. More importantly, so did Wally.

  
"Robin," said Wally, his voice one of a broken man, "tell me I'm wrong."

  
Robin shook his head miserably.

  
"I'm begging you," said Wally, gripping the counter for support. "Tell me I didn't just walk in on Superman - " he stopped again, practically a miracle for Wally on a roll, gasping for breath - "on _Superman_ , and - wait - " he frowned. "You said - you called him 'Bruce.'"

  
Robin took a step backward.

  
"Why would you call him Bruce? He's Brucie. That's what everyone calls him. The media. Supermodels. Whatever. Brucie Wayne. I mean, Clark called him Bruce, but - "

  
Robin took another step backwards, closer to the window. He edged a small laser cutter out of his pocket.

  
" - that doesn't make sense, unless he prefers Bruce in private, but how do you know Bruce Wayne well enough to - "

  
Robin aimed the laser cutter carefully at a second edge of the window.

  
" - he does have that little kid, Grayson whatever, and the only adult you really know is Batman, I _do_ know that you're an orphan, because I'm your only friend - "

  
One more to go.

  
" - but that means that Batman would have to be - " Wally sat down, right onto the kitchen floor. "Fuck." His next breath sounded panicky. "Fuck fuck _fuckity fucking_ \- where are you going?"

  
Robin, from where he had one foot edged out the window, looked up. "Uh," he said. "I have a mission."

  
"I called them hot," said Wally, miserably, his face suggesting that the events of the past few weeks had started to make too much sense. "I called them - you've gotta be there for me, man, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my short beautiful life - "

  
"Beep beep," said Robin, deadpan, and then pointed at his watch. "Did you hear that? I really gotta go. Batman is in Gotham. Calling me for a mission. In Gotham. Where he works. But definitely does not live. _Gotham_."

  
"Rob, _please_ \- "

  
"Bye," said Robin, and threw himself out the window.

  
*

  
"Kid Flash," said Black Canary. "Would you care to share what, exactly, is so interesting on the training room floor?"

  
Wally did not look up. If he looked up he would have to look Superman in the eye. Worse, he would have to look Batman in the - eyes? creepy white lenses?

  
"Kid Flash," said Batman's growly voice, which Wally could now identify firsthand as his sex voice. "Is there an issue?"

  
"Um," squeaked Wally, still not looking up. "I'm good. Sir."

  
Batman made a noise of realization, and then an irritable noise which, in any other person, would be a curse. " _Robin_."

  
"It wasn't my fault!"

  
"He is not to blame, Batman," said Superman, in his Justice Voice, which Wally could confirm, firsthand, was also his - guess what? - sex voice.

  
"Who would you suggest - "

  
"You know the answer to _that_ \- "

  
"Please don't argue," said Artemis in a small voice.

  
"Please," Wally agreed, too fervently.

  
"I'm with them," said Robin. "Isn't there, like, a mission briefing or something?"

  
"We will speak about this later," said Batman, primly, and Wally couldn't quite smother a hysterical laugh.

  
Superman sighed. "This is useless. Red Tornado, we will conduct a check on their progress at a later date."

  
Red Tornado nodded, expressionless, and Black Canary looked at them curiously.

  
"You kids can talk to any of us if something is - "

  
"No," said Batman. "They can't. This intel is classified."

  
" _Intel_ \- " choked Artemis.

  
"Intel," Superman agreed peaceably.

  
"If they can be told," said Superboy, balling his hands into fists, "then so can we."

  
"He's your dad, right?" asked Robin. "Then trust me when I say you don't want to know."

  
The training room was silent as everyone processed that 1) Robin had called Superman Superboy's dad, which the team knew they weren't supposed to talk about, and 2) Robin had effectively called Batman his dad, which _no one_ was going to talk about.

  
"Um," said Robin.

  
Finally, Batman spoke. "We will reconvene tomorrow," he said, and turned to the transporter. "Robin, patrol for the night is cancelled. There is a new hoverbike prototype in the Cave," he added, and was gone before anyone could respond.

  
"Huh," said Robin, looking visibly shaken. "KF, wanna race me?"

  
"Do I ever," said Wally, and held up a hand for a fist bump.

**Author's Note:**

> robin: if anything i see you as a BOTHER figure cuz you're always BOTHERING ME  
> superboy: show your father some respect
> 
> also: robin *shows affection*  
> batman, immediately: have a new motorcycle your bedtime is never
> 
> kudos & comments save me i'm on tumblr [here](http://www.bollywood-and-phoenix-feather.tumblr.com)


End file.
